Cowboy in Crisis

Well he's been threatening...and now he's gone and done it. D.J. decided it would be a good idea to go off and get himself a new car. But not just any car will do for our dear brother. No, he had to run off and buy a new Corvette. Oh dear Lord.....I mean, where the heck is he going to put his saddle. Not to mention the fact that I've never seen a two-horse trailer being pulled by a sports car. And...and...AND...It's a Chevy. (enter the sound of me spitting on the ground)

He drove up to Oklahoma to purchase this new, fiery beast...(enter the sound of tires screeching as I slam on the brakes)....OKLAHOMA! That in and of itself is bad news. He then had the audacity to stay up there a couple of days to visit!!! And he probably drank some of the water, too. I think he's losing his mind. Sorry Oklahoma. No offense. You're just not Texas.

He sent me a text message telling me that he was crossing the Red River back into the great Lone Star State. I told him to pull over and kiss the pure Texas ground, and repent of his wayward actions. He did so....

I want to ask all of you dear friends, to look closely at the above picture, and to join me in praying for Brother D.J., and for his decision...to...wear jean shorts!

Where to Go Next.....?

Living like a gypsy can be a bit of a challenge. Most of the time I wish I wasn't the wandering soul that I am. I wish I was settled. Not restless. I wish I had that thing that makes you want to just stay put. But that's not how I am. I like to go...correction...I have to go. Sitting still makes me nervous. I wouldn't say that I'm hyper, just restless. I don't like that feeling of missing out on something that's going on out there in the world. So I just keep going...and going...and going. Just add a cowboy hat to the Energizer Bunny and that's me...minus the pink...and the drum...and the big ears....

So I want to know...where do I need to go next? What's out there that I'm missing? I want your opinion on great destinations. Not Cabo...not New York...not Paris. Somewhere off the radar. Some place off the map. You know like The Blind Tiger bar in Shreveport, LA (awesome place and you need to visit. www.blindtigerrestaurant.com) or Riverfest in Gadsden, AL (www.gadsdenriverfest.com) or Larry Joe Taylor's music festival in Stephenville, TX (www.larryjoetaylor.com)....you get the point. Something regional but life changing. An awesome experience. Let me know where you've been and why it's great. I want to hear from you. Then let's plan a Gypsy Trip.

Border Gypsy

Well my dear brother Chad Allen (C.A.) turned 40 back in May, so to celebrate I jumped in an airplane and flew down to Laredo, TX. If you've never been to south Texas, well then, you might want to have a good reason to go. I reckon C.A. was reason enough. Don't get me wrong, I love the rugged beauty down that way, but it's definitely a long walk from home...and I don't speak the language.

We did, however, have a great time in true Gypsy fashion (great food, great people, great culture). C.A. gave me the grand tour of the Rio Grande in the Laredo area. We stood on the banks of that river that holds so much history, looked across into Mexico, and held up signs that said, 'Wish You Were Here!' They held up signs too. Theirs read, 'Be There Soon."

We drove past the Mexican Embassy and C.A. told me how he stormed the gates one time with guns drawn...ummm maybe I shouldn't tell that story since it was an act of American aggression on Mexican soil. Maybe he can tell you some day.

But it really was sad to think about how bad the border situation is these days. Wasn't too long ago that you could venture into Mexico and have a great time. Not anymore unfortunately. I wouldn't want to cross that bridge if I was armed to the teeth, and was accompanied by a secret service detail, and a platoon of green berets, who were assisted by Batman. But I did it anyway. And I'll have to tell you THAT story in person as well.

This Ol' Cowboy's Hat part II

So let's talk some more about cowboy hats. It's interesting to note that historically the hat that "won the west" was a derby, and not the modern concept of a cowboy hat. The folks that settled the west wore derbies, sailor's hats, top hats, and remnants of Civil War head gear. The styles we see today are more like the creation of J.B. Stetson in 1865, which was in the early hey day of cowboy life and style. Thank God for Stetson, cause C.A. Patton would look stupid in a derby (I reckon I would too...but not as much). Over the years, many styles of cowboy hat has emerged. In fact, there's so many I don't want to attempt to list them, and you probably don't really care. The bottom line: find the one that's right for YOU.


Can you imagine Chad Patton in one of these?

If you look inside a cowboy hat you will notice a "grade" listed in "X's" that tells you the hat's quality. The number of X's listed will tell you how much of the felt is beaver fur and how much is rabbit fur (grading goes from 4X to 100X). Bet you didn't know that did you? So for instance a hat that has 20 X's has 75% beaver and 25% rabbit. A hat with 100 X's is...you guessed it...100% beaver, and usually too expensive to be on my head. Now if you're really paying attention you'll notice that straw hats have an X grading system too. The X's in a straw tell you the quality of the straw and the tightness of the weave. In general, I recommend that you never mess with a hat that has less than 20 X's. Why, you say? Because anything less sucks. Trust me and that's all the reason you need.


If it's good enough for Dutch Reagan...

Now once you've invested in your fine new piece of head apparel, let me give you some etiquette. Whenever you enter a room, take off your hat. If it's a formal occasion (church, wedding, funeral, etc.) leave it off. If informal, it's ok to put it back on. When you sit down at a table to eat, take it off for the duration of the meal, unless there's nowhere you can put it. When sitting at a counter to eat, it can remain on. If you're out on the trail and it's time to eat, leave it on. Otherwise it's going to get stepped on or pooped on by your horse. It's highly recommended that you take it off when you meet and/or greet a lady...and at least tip your hat when saying hello to her (if you're wearing a fur hat tip from the crown, and if you're wearing a straw tip from the brim). If she ain't a lady, leave your damn hat on.

The tipping of the hat is a great custom. Even when greeting men it's a good idea. Tipping your hat got its origins in the Old West as you would move your hand away from your holster and gun when saying hello. It was a message of friendship between strangers. And I think it's still classy. But the bottom line is this: Don't ever grab for another man's hat. You'll most likely get the holster.

This Ol' Cowboy's Hat

Well I was sittin' in a coffee shop, just havin' a cup to pass the time.
Swappin' rodeo stories with this ole cowboy friend of mine.
When some motorcycle riders started snickerin' in the back
started pokin' fun at my friend's hat.
One ole boy said hey Tex, where'd you park your horse.
My friend just pulled his hat down low, but they couldn't be ingnored.
One husky fellow said, I think I'll rip that hat right off your head.
That's when my friend turned around, and this is what he said.....
You'll ride a black tornado, cross't the western sky
Rope an ole blue norther and milk it till it's dry
Bull dawg the Mississippi, pin it's ears down flat...
Long before you take this cowboy's hat....
- Chris Ledoux

I love cowboy hats. I don't have a lot of hair anymore, so they've definitely become quite useful in hiding my shiny head from the elements. But in truth, I just wear em because I like em. I think I currently have about a dozen. It may be an obsession. I have work hats, river hats, going-out hats, and hats that just hang on the wall now because they've been retired. Some are felt, some are straw, and some are palm leaf....each having its own use and season.

I wear my hat everywhere I travel. I love the attention it brings in cities where people have only seen such a strange creation on television and movies. They look at you like you're from outer space (when really I just came from Texas...not a huge difference...both are big with a lot of empty space). Inevitably some guys will snicker and laugh and I've learned to just laugh with em. I was in Tennessee recently when I walked up to a bar to find four college boys whispering and giggling, pointing at my hat. I smiled at em and walked on, until one of the brave young souls in pastel tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Nice hat, where's your horse?" He was a head shorter than me so I looked down at him and said, "You know the difference between you and me?" He said, "What's that Hoss?" I smiled at him and said, "Couple of things. First, I have manners. Second, I can always take this hat off, but you'll always be short." Then I bought him a beer and we made nice.

But in most cases people are nice. In Atlanta, I was complimented for being myself. In Chicago, I was told I was brave for wearing "that thing" around here. In New York, well....yeah. Most of the time women want to know if they can wear it to pose for a picture with their friends. Sure, but be warned...my hats will swallow the average head. I wear a 7 5/8 which is HUGE.




The one in the picture above has been shaped and reshaped and reshaped...one of the glories of a palm leaf hat. It now looks like crap...but it's great for being out on the water.

Now that I've convinced you to wear one yourself, here's some tips: Hats are an extension of your face. Make sure you pick the right shape, crown, bend, and color. Buy one from someone who knows something about hats. If you live in north Texas then you need to go to Huskey Hat Co in Wichita Falls. They've been doing hats for 40 years. Their custom made felt hats (I have one) are like wearing a diaper made of cotton candy. And you know you like cotton candy.

We will talk more about hats...SOON.